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Hard Decisions of Parenthood

Mindfulness in the Making
HARD DECISIONS OF PARENTHOOD

By: Jocelyn Kay Levy | March 27, 2023

There comes a day when every parent has to make some hard decisions— and that is basically every day. I say this half jokingly and completely seriously. I find all the decisions we have to make on a daily basis, that feel so crucial, almost comical because each one takes up way too much brain space.

These daily hard decisions literally start before your child is born! Huge questions of home or hospital birth, with or without interventions, and who will present on The Big Day. Then from the day your baby is born, there are daily hard decisions that often feel like life or death. Breastmilk or formula? On-demand feeding and co-sleeping or timed bottle feeding and sleep training? Baby carrier or stroller? Allopathic doctor or naturopath? It’s endless.

Some parents seem to have it easy. I know some moms are born with positive, bubbly, carefree dispositions. I’m a mom who worries, over-thinks, and over-protects. The temptation to compare myself to others makes parenting even tougher!

I truly believe that each parent is doing the best they know to keep their little one(s) safe. Just the other day I was chatting with some mom friends about the Big, Hard Decision of where to send little ones for first grade. Again, some peaceful moms let their kiddos go to the nearest district school while – yes…sigh…– other moms like me want to dig into all the pros and cons of public school versus charter school, of Waldorf versus Montessori, etc. to discover which school could be the right fit for my little one! It’s exhausting. In fact, I noticed that every one of us had a completely different school in mind and a totally different outlook than one another. We revealed our reasoning for our school choices and felt some edgy discomfort of judgment.

I had to literally stop the discussion in its tracks once I realized that we are all doing the exact same thing— our best! Our ways are different but our goals are the same.

This was really eye opening for me, especially now in 2023 after this wild pandemic. We all have chosen so many different ways to keep our families safe. Again, we were all doing our best! I believe that approaching life in this way, with mindful eyes and without judgment of others, is key to happiness.

For Parents:
This month I would love to offer you a mindfulness practice on forgiveness, which is really also a practice of non-judgment. On my album Wee Yogis Connect I have a song titled, “Forgiveness”. Some of the lyrics include the following:

You did your best
That you can do
You are learning as you grow up
I did my best that I can do
I am learning as I grow up
Come to a sitting position. Start by thinking of your child. Think about all the things they are learning. Remember that as they are learning, they don’t always get it “right” but they are doing their best. Recite these words:
You did your best
That you can do
You are learning as you grow up

It’s best to start this practice with your child/ren in mind as it’s oftentimes a lot easier to have an open heart toward our children than it is to have an open heart toward others, and especially toward ourselves.

Next, you can think about someone you judge. Someone who has a different opinion than you do or someone who plain annoys you. Bring this person to your mind’s eye, and when you can picture them, recite these words:

You did your best
That you can do
You are learning as you grow up

This may not be an easy practice for you. Allow whatever feelings want to come up to arise. Sometimes it can help to remember that this person was once a kid too.

You may need to do this practice a couple of times starting with first visualizing your kids or their friends and only once you feel comfortable in it, then you can think about the adult who may bring about some uncomfortable feelings of conflict within you.

No matter what order you choose to do this in, I feel sure that this ‘Forgiveness’ practice will start to soften your heart and bring you into a more non-judgmental state of mind.

For Kids:
You can play the “Forgiveness” song on my Wee Yogis Connect album to your kid/s and talk with them about how we are all just doing our best as we are continuing to grow.

Community:
In February I mentioned my hope to help our little ones cultivate loving kindness in a brick and mortar space. Well, I found one! Join me at the Wee Yogis Pop-up: 552 San Anselmo Ave for a full schedule of Yoga - Mindfulness- classes for ages 0-12!

Jocelyn Kay Levy is a mama, musician, yogi and social innovator. She has been performing music and leading yoga and barre fitness workshops for over 15 years. Jocelyn is the founder of Wee Yogis Organization whose mission is to bring yoga and mindfulness to children through music, videos, podcasts, and teacher training. Wee Yogis is also the kids yoga program for Ram Dass’ Nonprofit Love serve remember. Learn more at weeyogis.com