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Searching for Our Village

Movement & Motherhood
SEARCHING FOR OUR VILLAGE

By: Kristin Colsky Gavin | March 15, 2024

The proverb “it takes a village to raise a child” is often mentioned with a knowing glance between parents. While it may appear cliché, it is as true today as ever. With the pandemic and the circumstances of our modern lives, however, manifesting that village in real life has become more challenging than it used to be. So many of us are left to fend for ourselves in the brave new world of parenting, not enjoying the built-in support network that can be crucial to happy and healthy children and parents. Our country in particular is known to be less helpful to new parents than many others. The United States is the only major country that does not mandate businesses and corporations to offer paid family leave to employees. In addition, family members often live in distant parts of the country, and parents rarely receive constant support from grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and extended family, friends, and neighbors. There are other factors that can lead to feelings of isolation, such as friends choosing different paths in life or not being in the same stage in life at the same time.

The good news is that it can be surprisingly simple to start to create our own unique kind of village, one that begins with connections between moms and branches out from there. For me, anecdotally, other mom friends are some of the easiest friends I have ever made. It is said to be more difficult to find friends later in life, and typically I think that is true, but when you share something as life-changing to one’s identity and course of life as becoming a mother, they seem to pop up everywhere you look. I have made instant, but lasting, connections by starting up conversations with other moms in the park, playground, and even just walking down the street pushing a stroller. Of course, SMMC is also a great resource for sharing common ground, asking for help and tips, and building a community.

It is incredible how even just one strong connection with another mom can make a difference in feeling supported through all the ups and downs, adventures, exhilaration, and anxieties of parenting. To know someone else is going through everything that I am and being able to figure it all out together is invaluable. I have a standing phone date with a very close, old friend, who has a son around the same age as mine. Unfortunately, she lives five hours away by car, so we rarely get to see each other. Still, we went through pregnancy, birth, the newborn stage, the toddler stage, and everything in between together. It has brought us closer and deepened our friendship. She is the only person I actually talk on the phone with for longer than a few minutes, and we have real, heartfelt conversations that bring both of us so much joy, comfort, and inspiration.

If you are still searching for your own village, I encourage you to keep looking, to start up a conversation with that other mom in the park, to talk to your neighbors, and be open to making connections. We all need support to navigate this tough, amazing, transformative job of motherhood.

Kristin Colsky Gavin is a native of Sausalito and lives there now with her husband, John, and her two-year-old son, William. She is a UC Berkeley graduate and Pilates instructor with ten years of experience and her own business, Kristin Gavin Pilates. Kristin has worked with all kinds of bodies, ages, and fitness levels but has a particular passion for working with pregnant and postpartum clients. She is also studying to consult on nutrition for pregnancy, postpartum, and babies. Contact her at kristin@kristingavinpilates.com. Website coming soon!

When not practicing or teaching Pilates, Kristin can be found swimming, practicing yoga, hiking the trails of Marin, cooking, writing, studying languages, traveling near and far, and spending time with her family. She started open water swimming several years ago and has completed the Alcatraz to San Francisco swim three times.