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When Impermanence Comes Knocking

Mindfulness in the Making
WHEN IMPERMANENCE COMES KNOCKING

By: Jocelyn Kay Levy | June 1, 2023

Entering the month of June, I found myself brainstorming some mindfulness tips that revolve around the theme of Dads since June 18 is Father’s Day. But I had no idea that I wouldn’t have to dig too deep after all because my ‘topic’ would be right in front of me. I had no idea that I’d get “the call” and find myself at the hospital, sitting by my dad’s bedside after he had endured a big stroke.

My relationship with my dad has always been interesting to say the least. He wasn’t the kind of dad who remembered my birthday or attended my dance performances nor was he someone that I even wanted to walk me down the aisle at my wedding.

But in the end, when we are faced with losing a parent, I don’t think it matters if you had the best relationship or the worst because watching an aging or fading parent is just down right hard, for anyone. And now as a 40-something mom I have so many friends facing this intense reality of impermanence—that our parents or loved ones will one day pass.

I suppose this is a bit of a morbid topic to write about, but at the same time shouldn’t we talk about it more? Shouldn’t we reach out to help one another as we navigate these strange waters?

I want to take a minute to rewind and share that even though I had a strained relationship with my dad, I still love him and I know he loves me. We have had an interesting lila (Sanskrit for ‘play’ or ‘drama’), which I like to call “the enchanted dance” and have taken very different life paths.

Part of my path is that I spent many years studying and visiting with spiritual guru Ram Dass. And, I will always remember one of his famous quotes, “If you think you are enlightened, go and spend one week with your family.” This cracks me up every single time I remember it because for me that’s exactly what family is for! Sometimes it’s all the hardship and drama that family systems create that pushes us to wake up, connect to our hearts and become ourselves.
Back to sitting here in the hospital at my dad’s bedside. When I’m next to my dad who lays in bed after his stroke, I see him as a soul. This is another one of Ram Dass’ big teachings. How can we just love each other not based on the roles we identify with or the stories we tell ourselves, but truly see each other as souls and love each other in that space? Just as we are without an attachment to wishing the other person could be or do something different.

I believe that this is also a teaching on impermanence—how to love the moment just as it is.

They say that all human suffering lies is wanting the moment to be something other than what it is and being attached to that wanting. For example, someone smashes into your car and immediately the narrative in your head starts: “Wait, this isn’t supposed to happen! This wasn’t supposed to happen to me. Why me? Why now?” And even now as I sit here with my dad, I am tempted to ‘do the dance’ of wanting to deny my reality that my dad has had a major stroke and that I wish it hadn’t happened, but I know that all that will do is bring me more suffering.

We all know that our lives are impermanent and yet accepting our impermanence is our biggest spiritual battle. We all know that clinging to things in the material world creates more suffering but we still do it. Learning not to cling to those we love is probably the hardest lesson of all because we are so afraid to let go.

The challenge is, how do we learn to welcome all experiences—the hard and the easy? How do we learn to make friends with change and loss and grief instead of fearing they will wreck our lives? For me, I turn to yoga,breath and my mindfulness practice because it offers me solace in hard times.

For Parents:
When you notice you are having a hard or stressful moment, take a pause. Sit down and breathe.

Notice the stream of thoughts in your mind. What is the story? What is the narrative?
Notice if your mind is wandering off to all the should’s, could’s, and would’s.

And then, simply (or not so simply because it’s not easy) watch your thoughts--see if you can watch your thoughts like clouds. See them, hear them and then release them. This can be hard.

If you feel yourself clinging to a thought, bring your attention to your breath and the sound of your breath. And then go back to the practice. When another thought comes, see it and then release it. And, come back to the breath.

This practice helps us relax the “monkey mind,” and let go of the stories we cling to about ourselves. It helps us learn to be in the present and not fight against our current reality, which in turn teaches us about our impermanence and the impermanence of all life.

Next time you’re having a hard moment, try it and then keep practicing it at least once a day!

For Kids:
I have a song on my second album: Wee Yogis Connect called: I am here
If your little one is having a hard or stressful moment,put on the song and encourage them to dance, jump or spin, you will then hear the lyrics.
“Freeze, I feel myself standing here. Wiggle my toes, and my feet are firm in the ground.
I feel myself breathing in, inhale I breathe in fresh air and exhale I’m here,
1,2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10. ”
Have them freeze, look at their feet, press their feet into the earth, take a big full breath together and count to 10 with the song.
This will have them release the thoughts and ground down to the moment.
Doing the same thing as the adult practice, but in a playing way. Teaching our kiddos, how to let go of the thoughts and worry.

Community:
My Wee Yogis Pop-up is becoming a permanent studio at 141 Tunstead Ave., San Anselmo!
I have my last couple weeks at my current location; 552 San Anselmo Ave. where we will be celebrating with some free family musical yoga concerts on these Saturdays in June: 10, 17 and 24 at 4pm. Come join us for some mindful community fun!

Jocelyn Kay Levy is a mama, musician, yogi and social innovator. She has been performing music and leading yoga and barre fitness workshops for over 15 years. Jocelyn is the founder of Wee Yogis Organization whose mission is to bring yoga and mindfulness to children through music, videos, podcasts, and teacher training. Wee Yogis is also the kids yoga program for Ram Dass’ Nonprofit Love serve remember. Learn more at weeyogis.com