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Learning to Pa(w)rent From A Rookie

The Rookie Mama

LEARNING TO PA(W)RENT FROM A ROOKIE

By: Yekaterina Reyzis | May 4, 2023

As a “rookie” mama to one gorgeous, long-awaited eight-month old baby boy, I’ve often found myself struggling to keep my head above water. Nanny or daycare? Should we move somewhere bigger? Did I seriously forget the sunscreen again?! We’ve all been there, and yes, I know it will get easier. One saving grace that has kept me grounded as I navigate being a first-time mom has been my late fur-baby, Rookie (and that’s Mr. Rookie Cookie to you). Rookie was my gorgeous, long-awaited “first-born” shepherd mix, who came into my life by a twist of fate almost fourteen years ago.

You may have heard pet owners tout themselves as “fur moms,” “fur dads,” “paw-rents,” and all sorts of other monikers that equate their “fur-babies” to the real thing, if you will. And while pa(w)renting Rookie wasn’t quite the same as parenting my 8-month old son in terms of—well, everything—my fur-baby prepared me for motherhood more than just about anything else in my 35 years of life. Rookie crossed the rainbow bridge last month, but his legacy is for any parent who is (or remembers being) a “rookie.”

On Rookie Parenting
Like any first-born, Rookie had the benefit—or perhaps the misfortune—of being my first everything. My first big responsibility, my first financial dependent, my first reason to wake up at an ungodly morning hour to pick up poop, and my first gut-wrenching fear of “ohmygod how will I keep him alive when I have no idea what I’m doing?” (Sound familiar, parents?)

Most importantly, Rookie was my first love. Caring for him from day one took a great deal of effort and yet felt effortless, as he lit up my soul with each wag of the tail, lick of the hand, and that long furry snoot buried in my lap. I doted on him at every turn, reaching beyond my means to give him the best life. Believe it or not, Rookie’s orthopedic dog-bed cost more than he did!

Rookie accepted my gifts with varying degrees of appreciation, often scoffing at the “best-rated” dog toys and turning his nose up at the most nutritious (and expensive!) foods. His love languages, like mine, were quality time and physical touch. As such, he was always content simply being in my company. I didn’t know then that these pa(w)renting lessons would guide me through parenthood.

Now, with my human baby, I am less of a rookie. I find myself being able to let go more often than before. I’m happy to engage with my boy as he throws coasters off the coffee table and rips up empty boxes while his “best-rated” baby toys sit untouched in the bin. I revel in knowing that he too is content simply being in my company, and I in his. I am able to focus less on reaching beyond my means chasing the “shoulds.” This, Rookie showed me, is what life is all about.

On Love Conquering Fear
There are only two beings in the world ubiquitously known for unconditional love: dogs and parents. I was raised in an immigrant home where love was marked by survival and chaos, with little room to grow or explore. Fear-based decision making is in my blood. As I approached adulthood, I knew I didn’t want to pass this creed to my children, but I didn’t know any other way to live. Enter Rookie.

My Rookie didn’t live to survive. He lived to live. At first, when I brought Rookie home from the shelter, he shook like a leaf at every gust of wind the big scary world threw his way. No paper bag was safe, and don’t get me started on staircases and skateboards. I was very much the same. Fresh out of college, I stumbled to put one foot in front of the other. I felt unprepared for independent living mentally, emotionally, and financially.

Side by side, Rookie and I learned about the world together, and little by little, we helped one another grow into our own skin. Over a dozen moves in just as many years, Rookie and I hopped back and forth across the country changing cities, furniture, friends, and everything in between. Our togetherness made each new place feel like home. With love, we conquered our fears and dare I say, we thrived. Years later, a friend’s dog trainer even remarked that my once-anxious boy had a “dominant personality!” Would you believe that?

As any parent can attest, I strive to give my baby what I didn’t have growing up. To me, that is a mama who lives life to the fullest, one who lets fear in, but doesn’t let it stop her from living. I try to remember this when I inevitably find myself ruminating on the “what ifs” about my baby’s future. I tell myself that I need to get a bonus at work this year, because otherwise, how will we afford that down payment? And childcare? The pressure I put on myself is suffocating and at times, robs me of being present. Like Rookie, my baby will love me all the same—whether or not I get the bonus. And he will remember my quality time with him more fondly than the size of any house he grows up in. Our family, and our togetherness, will make any house a home. Rookie let love lead, and so can I.

On Trans-fur-mations
I lost my fur-baby on March 5, 2023, when my human baby was only seven months old. What I didn’t see then is that Rookie had a plan all along. He was my training wheels and he let go when he felt the time was right—when I was ready to transform from pa(w)rent to parent. In fact, I learned I was pregnant with my second baby mere moments after he crossed the rainbow bridge. Try and convince me that Rookie didn’t tempt my fate.

Now that the training wheels are off, I am still catching my footing in this parenting gig. As we all know, some days are longer than others, and it turns out I can’t be my best self seven days a week. Today though, when I stumble, I try to give myself the compassion that Rookie gave me. It’s how I keep him close. And truth be told, I know I’m ready. From pa(w)rent to parent, my trans-fur-mation is complete. Thanks, Rookie Cookie.

Yekaterina “Katie” Reyzis lives in the rare gem on earth that is Sausalito. She is a proud mama to one beautiful baby boy named Lincoln, and has a second cub on the way. Her column, “The Rookie Mama,” is dedicated to her late first-born, a pup named Rookie Cookie who shaped her heart and soul into the human mama she is today. She is a corporate lawyer by day, a stargazer by night. You can find her sittin’ on the dock of the bay, wastin’ time with her husband, a journal, a latte, and/or a stroller. She’d love company! Reach her at ktrey29@gmail.com.