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MY FIVE POINT PERSPECTIVE
By: Lannette Guerra | February 28, 2022
2020 was a year that tested many relationships.
Since my official diagnosis of ADHD, my husband and I have been getting along much better. He’s finally able to accept certain things about me that I’m never going to outgrow, and I finally saw the emotional abuse in our household coming from all parties involved. We never even attempted couples therapy; instead, we broke down the barriers by simply getting to know each other better. But I have learned that most of the healing came from practicing self-love. I have Covid-19 to thank for that, as well as developing better emotional intelligence with age.
Loving yourself:
Through sharing my journey, I’d like to help others see how letting your guard down and accepting who you are can lead to a lifetime of true love. With yourself and with others, no matter what mental disorders or psychological factors may loom inside your walls, the answer to true happiness just comes down to “self-love.”
As cheesy as the saying goes, “To love others, you must first love yourself,” has been drilled into everyday culture for a reason, and when people hit rock bottom or go through a life-changing event, that’s when it finally clicks.
Loving yourself is not about being self-centered, egotistical, or a narcissist monster. Loving yourself is not selfish, as your inner meanie might tell you. Yet loving yourself is often the lowest thing on your priority list. How do I know this? I’m a living and breathing example. I loved everything and everyone before myself. While my mother was busy telling me that I was stuck in the clouds and being self-centered, I was digging that Blue Jay, and noting it’s the incandescent reflection from the sun. I was loving life 24/7. Love was easy for me, but loving my own person…not so much.
I never understood why I loved so profoundly yet hated myself with a passion. My late diagnosis has provided so much clarity. It’s a bit overwhelming; I’m only surviving by practicing self-love and compassion for my younger self. I’ve had to teach my inner mentor to stop emotionally abusing by using kinder words and being a friend. I’ve also started speaking up when others emotionally beat me down. This is helping me rewire my brain; this is a practice in self-love.
I used to hate everything about what made me “me,” for example, how secretly neurotic I am. I now understand how that trait makes me a great storyteller. I hated how sensitive I was to other people’s comments, but now I know I’m just a great listener and take people's critical comments for future evaluation. I hated how easily I was distracted by the beauty of nature and the human emotions around me. I now see that as a gift of being intuitive to the world. I hated how I’d let people down by forgetting a birthday, a shower, or to callback/text someone. Okay, I’m no Buddha, I still hate this about me and it is probably why I always wish my friends Happy Birthday days early, knowing there is a 90% chance I’ll forget day of, as well as the reason that I’m the only Latina who shows up on time to a party, for the fear of just not arriving at all. I was so hard on myself, trying to be perfect for everyone. But never for myself. Does this sound like you? If it does, you are a great candidate for a long introspection into “self-love” and what that might look like - for you.
To start the process, one must first take a long look at the mirror and allow it to crack and break right in front of you, then have the courage and strength to pick up each fragment and glue them back together. That’s self-love. Or to look at that broken mirror and decide to toss it and live without one—that’s also self-love. That’s what letting go of baggage looks like. When you can swim inside your flaws and shake them off by being a better version of yourself, that’s self-love and growth. When you can do that, you can step aside and love others.
Before that, you're a broken, lost person. Some people will think you’re unwilling to change for good, or others may say you are, “a toxic individual.” The energy you put out in the world is negative, and it will find a way to bounce back to you, making you feel trapped in a never-ending box of self-loathing and internal pain. You have to find ways to break out of that jail you placed yourself in—for good.
Self-love is scary. It makes you face flaws, accept them, and move towards working on them. When you address your demons, you’ll live a balanced life. Self-love and growth start becoming a good addiction.
The following are the five benefits I’ve found from engaging in self-love and self-compassion- my 5 point Perspective:
- Self-love allows you to be mindful, enjoy each moment, and be present for it.
- Self-love allows you to be at peace with your past, present, and future.
- Self-love allows for growth and a new Spring to your step.
- Self-love helps bring confidence, strength, and wisdom to the new you.
- Self-love is a pathway to finally love others unconditionally, forgive, and emphasize people’s struggles - To leave the individualistic lens and become part of the community.
In conclusion, self-love is for the brave, not for the weak-minded— don’t you want to be brave and strong? Admire how far you’ve come in life? Rise above people’s wrongful perceptions of you? You can do it; you better believe this neurodivergent mess is cheering you on from the sidelines. I’m only two months in, and it’s been the best non-diet I’ve ever been on.
So, go! Don’t worry about starting this process on a Tuesday or a Thursday at 2:00am; the first step in growth is a shift in mindset. This can happen at any moment and any time on the calendar. Like National Divorce day, it doesn’t have to be after the Holidays; it can happen today. Divorce the past you, and embrace self-love, today! It’s worth it.
Lannette Guerra has a decade of experience working for large and small high-end residential firms, throughout Northern California. She holds a Bachelor of Architecture, a Bachelor of Arts, and is a LEED accredited professional. Before moving to California, she spent 4 years as an Exhibit Designer in Kansas City, MO.
She resides and virtually works for her current employer, from her home in San Rafael, CA. When she is not hyperfocused on work she enjoys hikes in the Marin headlands and couch cuddles with her family and furry friend. She is currently staying away from engaging in any new hobbies except for being a mentor & advocate of mental and physical well-being.
She is also a strong believer that the only way to build yourself to personal fulfillment and reach your true potential is to quiet the mind, eliminate distraction, and listen to what your heart has been telling you all along. Only then will you be able to see your authentic self reflected within your home, your soul, and in the workplace.
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Community Spotlight: Mill Valley Family Read >>
February Book Picks: Love Read >>
Higher Anxiety Read >>
Learn to Love Math Read >>
Mill Valley Friends of the Library Online Bookstore Read >>
Mindfulness in the Making: Metta For All Read >>
Self-Love in the Time of Coronavirus Read >>
The Bubble Read >>