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THE DIVIDE

By: Justin P. McCarthy   |   December 22, 2021

 



The SARS-CoV-2 pandemic has changed our lives in myriad ways. For two years, the world over, people have worked, eaten, slept, socialized, parented, exercised, traveled, recreated and lived differently from how we did before.

24 months in, vaccinated and surfing seasonal waves of infection, we’re both returning to the habits, patterns and rituals we paused for lockdown, and acknowledging that some old ways may be forever changed. 

Our family has seen a lot of meanward regression: this fall’s soccer season was indiscernible from any other; we’re back to visiting shops, grocers, hair salons, restaurants–even movies! My wife, Katie, has a semi-solid date for a return to her office in the city. School is functionally back to normal (though at this writing, the masks are still on).

It has taken patience, will and a relentless application of effort, but we’re about back to our pre-global health crisis baseline, before entire lobes of our brains were roped off and reserved for pandemic safety, pandemic anxiety, pandemic work, pandemic logistics, pandemic judgment, pandemic entertainment.

About back, but not quite: there remains one clear laggard: our Get Over the Pandemic!℠ portfolio. For all our determined resilience and bounce-backishness, figuring out how to reintegrate into our lives a diverse assortment of social engagements with different people in different venues has proven a challenge (and we’re not alone in this, ha).

We’ve all experienced the pandemic in our own ways: we’ve grown, shrunk, changed, reverted, progressed and regressed in an extended time of the closest most of us have ever been to isolation. We’ve had awkward encounters with family, friends and acquaintances who we were so often surprised to find approached everything from play dates to mask hygiene to travel to birthday parties to handshakes and hugs differently from how we did.

SARS-CoV-2 bolded and underscored these differences like no other adversity ever had. Our lives were on the line and we all made the best decisions we could with (hopefully) the best information we could get. It’s no surprise so many of us went in so many directions, that the collective distance among us grew. Even as normalcy returns, we can still feel this extension, this separation in our connections with so many people. How has the SARS-CoV-2 pandemic changed your relationships?

As we celebrate the late-fall and winter holidays, now’s as good as any to put the work into narrowing some of those divides. But what to do?

• Just reach out. If you feel distance from someone you care about, whether from action or atrophy, they might feel similarly about you. Send a text or message them and (re-)break the ice.
  
  
• See the people you can, IRL. We all have different rulesets for which social activities we’re comfortable showing up to, live. Find the people you know who share your risk tolerances and start getting together with them in situations you all feel safe in.
  
  
• Zoom if you have to. Still not able to find comfort meeting someone in person? Set up a video chat, or take a walk together, separately. I started going on remote walks while talking with my sister in Minnesota during the pandemic and it’s become something I look forward to every time we set it up.
  
  
• Make it interesting. Last year, we used Zoom, YouTube and Watch2Gether to set up a pan-denominational extended family holiday sing-along, and it was a blast. The kids who could play instruments performed for relatives in seven states and two countries, and then everybody sang. We’ve made it a tradition and are doing it again this year.
  
  
• Share the love. It’s important to reconnect with the supporting cast members in our lives, too. Bring coffee to the school office. Send a friend a kringle (let me know if you need our address!). Stop and chat with your barista, the mail carrier, the recycling guys. Chances are, they’re feeling that distance, too.

However and whenever you choose to reconnect with family and friends, remember we’re all doing this on our own terms, in our own time. Stay as patient and compassionate as you can, and give others as much benefit of the doubt as you hope they’d give you. We’ve all earned it.

Justin P. McCarthy lives in Tiburon with his wife, Katie, and their three children--Jack, Ali, and Claire. He’d be delighted to hear from you at jpm.smmc@gmail.com.

More from this issue:

Book Picks: Holiday Stories Read >>
 
Holiday Gift Guide: Financial Gifts with a Lasting Impact Read >> 
    
In 2022, Be You Read >>

Mindfulness in the Making: Dancing Into December Read >>

Permission to Reflect Read >> 

Tips for Traveling with Young Children Read >>