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3 TOXIC MYTHS ABOUT PARENTING PICKY EATERS
By: Kelly Brown | November 18, 2021
I tried serving a new Instant Pot recipe last week. It was simple and included beans and rice, two things my kids will sometimes eat. I was hoping for dinnertime nirvana, you know, the magical one pot recipe that makes everyone happy. I wasn’t confident though, so I set out leftover macaroni and cheese and sliced fruit as a come-to-the-table peace offering as well.
“It smells gross!”
“This mac and cheese is from Saturday!”
“I want hot dogs!”
Yikes, harsh crowd.
Little did you know, when you became a parent you’d be responsible for three meals every day plus snacks for the equivalent of an army of angry ants demanding more cheddar bunnies.
If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed in your mealtime struggles, I can assure you, you’re not alone. I live this myself and work with families on creating strategies for mealtime and the truth is, feeding a family requires more patience than watching a toddler put on shoes.
Even though managing selective eaters is a common obstacle for parents, there isn’t a straightforward solution. Every dinner table has a unique mix of preferences and schedule logistics and general advice that doesn't take into account the nuances of your family makes you feel more overwhelmed.
At the same time, it’s hard to, “give up and wait it out,” because the reason we worry about selective eating habits is that we want our children to thrive and we don’t want to argue over, “just one bite,” every night.
Just like any parenting dilemma, the first step in navigating picky eaters is to take a deep breath and think about the underlying societal assumptions that are present and then decide if those beliefs are helpful or not for you and your family.
In the case of parenting picky eaters, there are a few common assumptions, or myths, that are not helpful because they cause comparison, guilt, and shame. Letting go of these myths frees your mind to approach the situation from a lighter and more realistic perspective and allows you to feel less stressed around mealtime.
Myth 1: You’re to blame if your kids are picky.
So many parents blame themselves if their kids are picky but blaming yourself isn’t helpful and your child’s desire to eat vegetables isn’t a reflection of your love for them or your parenting abilities.
There are many things that contribute to a child’s desire (or lack of desire) to try new foods and it’s normal for kids to be selective. It’s your job to offer food to your children—they may or may not eat it depending on a variety of factors.
While it’s possible to help children feel more comfortable with new foods, each child comes to this world with a different baseline temperament and tolerance for risk. It’s easier to meet them where they are and take small steps than to expect them to eat broccoli and salmon like your best friend’s child or their sibling. If you’re frustrated and tired of arguing about food, reach out for support, but don’t blame yourself (even if you too are a picky eater).
Bottom line: Your love for your child isn’t in question and your worth as a parent isn’t tied to the number of vegetables your child eats.
Myth 2: Serving separate meals is a problem.
Many people feel guilty about serving separate meals. But why? Parenting is hard enough and if serving chicken nuggets and apple slices at 5:30pm and having a quiet dinner with your partner or on your own at 8pm is working for you, I say go for it.
Now, if it's inconveniencing you to serve a separate meal and you don't like the extra dishes and/or you're famished by the time it's your turn to eat, that's another story and we can strategize about that another time. However, if it's working for everyone, there's no reason to feel badly about serving up a kids' course.
Bottom line: If serving separate meals is working for you, do it. And if you’re wanting to spend quality time with your kids there are many ways to do so and you can always join them at the table for dinnertime conversation even if you’re not digging into dino nuggets.
Myth 3: You’re doing something wrong if feeding your family feels really hard.
If you scroll through Instagram you’ll see mealtime hacks and, “kid-friendly,” ideas and you might think, “Wow, that would never work in my house, what’s wrong with me?”
Nothing is wrong with you. That’s marketing. Feeding a family isn’t simple, and there isn’t a hack that will work for everyone because shopping, cooking, and feeding people with different preferences is, by nature, very hard and nuanced work.
There are things that can make it easier (for me it’s helpful to plan ahead, serve at least one thing I think they’ll like, get buy-in from my kids before shopping, and build in breaks for takeout and quick meals) but unless you have a unicorn child who love all things, there will be challenges.
Bottom line: It’s isolating and upsetting to feel like feeding a family is easy for everyone except you, but know that you’re not alone and most people are going through a similar battle each night.
Feeding children is stressful because we love them and want them to have the fuel they need to learn, grow, and thrive. If you’re worried about nutrient levels, stop scrolling and reach out to your pediatrician. It’ll give you comfort to know everything is okay or direction if there’s something that needs to be supplemented.
Many families struggle with mealtime and picky eaters but are afraid to be honest about it because our culture perpetuates these three myths. Be open about the struggles that come with this side of parenting so we can come together, laugh, pick-up food off the floor, and share ideas. One day our kids will be eating sushi with friends and we won’t have to argue with them about eating carrot sticks but until then, a little honesty, community, and a mindset shift can help make things feel easier.
Kelly Brown is a mother of three, Health Coach, and founder of Real Food House. Kelly leads a transformational wellness program called 10x REAL where she guides people in prioritizing their own health and wellness in the midst of parenthood. You can reach Kelly by email - kelly@realfoodhouse.com follow her @realfoodhouse or learn more at www.realfoodhouse.com
More from this issue:
Don't Burn Up Read >>
Holiday Allergies Read >>
Kate’s Take: Let Them Have Chicken Nuggets Read >>
Mindfulness in the Making Read >>
Re-Thinking Your Lawn Read >>
Setting Kind Boundaries Read >>
SMMC Thanksgiving Meal Box Project Read >>
Thanksgiving Book Recommendations Read >>