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KATE’S TAKE: REMEMBERING HOW TO ENGAGE IN SMALL TALK 

By: Kate Cayanni   |   July 22, 2021

After getting checked in at the registration booth to our daughter’s end-of-year school parent event, I followed my husband through the entry gate to attend a cocktail hour, only to make unexpected contact with another mom, also entering. We were elbow to elbow, shoulder to shoulder, moving through the passage. The realization that I was barreling against someone to enter a party sort of hit me at the same moment that she said, “Oh!  Sorry to just elbow my way in! We haven’t been out much in awhile.” I laughed at the mutual realization. We’re all a little rusty at this.

At a previous event, seated nearby other tables, couples turned and spoke across distance to chat and catch up. When asked what my husband does for work, he plainly stated that he works for Paypal and left it at that. When that chat went nowhere and the couple turned around to find other conversation, he looked at me and shook his head. “I work at Paypal?!” He chuckled, “I’ve lost the ability to small talk.”  

It reminded me of the scene in Dirty Dancing when Baby is introduced to Johnny and she says, “I carried a watermelon.” And then after he’s gone she repeats, “I carried a watermelon?!?”  

Sheltering in place and keeping our distance has had a toll on social grace. I feel like months of heavy events, political mayhem and general guardedness has led to a void in the ability to conjure up lighthearted and convivial party talk.  

At the fundraiser, after brushing off the “elbow incident” my husband and I found a drink, a spot at a cocktail table and we mutually agreed we needed to get in the game and gain back some of our social mojo. By the end of the party we felt encouraged that not all was lost. I’ll share some observations that I think helped:

Wine helps. If it’s not your thing, then you will by no means have less success, but all I’m saying is that after a glass of wine, it was easier to just lighten up a little.



Activities break the ice. At both of the events I’ve attended post pandemic, there was a tasting component. Wine at one, honey at the other. Both afforded us the chance to quietly contemplate something and then have a topic to discuss. This could take the form of a great many other activities. A friend of mine is offering events where moms do yoga together and then get a mini facial. Common interest yields conversation.

Levity is king. I complimented a mom at the party on her dress, specifically noting her very on-trend puffy sleeves, and without skipping a beat she thanked me and remarked that they were covering up her “pandemic arms” which were in no condition to go sleeveless. (Her arms were perfectly fine). I personally love sarcasm and self-deprecating humor and when we’re able to laugh together, we connect more easily.

Find people you know. When it was time to circulate and mingle, we made an effort to reconnect with people we knew already. We dropped into one conversation to compare notes on what we learned from our teacher conferences about how the kids are doing. Their son was the “Rascaly one” and they were still deciding if that was something to be concerned with. Another conversation yielded news of a new business venture and change of jobs. Another solidified a commitment for summer playdates.    

After recognizing that our social skills were rusty, I can tell you, for us it seemed like just an unexercised muscle. When you think about it and put a little effort towards it, the skills come back. As they say, “like riding a bike.”

What I hope we will not lose is that feeling we had when we first came back out into the world and connected with others outside of our circle for the first time in months and recognized just how precious is to have these connections, with or without the social graces. 

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More from this issue:
FOR KIDS TO CARE ABOUT CHORES, TEACH THEM TO BE “FAMILY CITIZENS”  Read >>
FIVE SURPRISING FACTS ABOUT NEWBORNS  Read >>
 MOM HACKS: GLITTER JARS & MORE  Read >>
HOW TO EASE DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS  Read >>
LISTEN TO THE VOICE IN YOUR HEAD  Read >>
JULY’S BOOK PICKS: BIG FEELINGS  Read >>

 

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