SELF CARE FOR WORKING MOMS

By: Diana Tauder   |   June 24, 2021

What’s the rudest question you can ask a woman? It probably isn’t what you think.

According to comedian and Bossypants author Tina Fey, it’s ‘‘How do you juggle it all?” This question almost seems rhetorical because the answer is complex, lengthy and a reminder to the working mom that it feels impossible to keep all those balls up in the air. In Lean In, Sheryl Sandberg says that Fey was right on the mark and adds, “Employed mothers and fathers both struggle with multiple responsibilities, but mothers also have to endure the rude questions and accusatory looks that remind us we’re shortchanging our jobs and our children.” 

Ever feel you’re in the midst of your very own juggling act? You’re not alone. Findings from a  2019 Gallup poll show that mothers still bear the brunt of responsibility for household duties. With this social norm in place, no wonder we moms feel the pressure to be everything to everyone. It’s only after our work is done, the kids are fed and in bed and the dishes are cleared that we remember to tend to our own self-care. Since so many of us are putting ourselves last, let’s start with defining the term. 

What exactly does self-care mean? The definition I like best describes self-care as a conscious act taken to promote one’s own physical, mental and emotional health.

Different from the occasional treat of a manicure or brunch with friends (although pampering and social connection are great), self-care is a unique set of lifelong practices designed to maintain our health, happiness and resiliency. 

Under the best of circumstances, establishing self-care practices can be challenging. Any change to our routine, no matter how small, can feel uncomfortable. As you get started, notice that discomfort and keep going. The pressures of life may not change soon enough, but small and consistent acts of self-care can help us grow stronger and be more present in our lives and for our loved ones.

BABY STEPS

Most of us have a pretty good idea of when we’re not taking good care of ourselves. If you’re at the beginning of your self-care journey, start by taking small steps toward healthy eating and exercise. It’s natural to want to pick up where you left off—like running a 5K on your first day back in running shoes—but establishing (or re-establishing) a healthy habit takes patience. 

You are more likely to stick with your practice if you start slowly and gradually build toward your goals. 

Go to sleep

As mothers, we know that our children are happier and healthier when they get enough rest. Obviously, the same is true for us. For most adults, seven to nine hours of sleep each night should do the trick. Many mothers I know, myself included, have a tendency to stay up late just to have time to relax. It makes sense, but kinda not really. It can be such a challenge to get a good night’s rest, but the extra hours of sleep are worth it! 

For a week, I invite you to commit to a “Light’s Out Plan” that puts you in bed with the lights out in time for seven to nine hours of shuteye. Backtime that nightly hygiene routine (or establish one), read a good book if you like and then it’s “lights out.” 

Are there adjustments you can make to your environment that will likely improve your sleep? Avoid screens, sugar, caffeine and booze before bed. If your bedroom is doubling as a home office, cover the desk with a scarf or other nice cloth so there’s a clear and pleasant shift from workday to evening. Use your favorite sheets and pillows so your bed inspires sleep and helps you feel safe and cozy. If counting sheep doesn’t work for you, check out a sleep meditation on apps such as 10 Percent Happier or Headspace.

Consider clean livin’ 

Avoid risky behavior, ladies. Self-care practices help us feel well each day and do not cause us mental or physical harm. Give some thought to limiting your use of alcohol and drugs, practicing safe sex and using sunscreen on a daily basis. If your day starts with feeling badly about yesterday’s choices, you may need to seriously consider a change in your behavior. 

CHALLENGE YOURSELF TO LEARN MORE 

As a society, mental wellbeing and self-compassion are often perceived as luxuries or self-indulgences. With most of us suffering from the internal pressure for perfectionism coupled with a similar expectation from society, it’s imperative that we allow ourselves to explore the path of self-compassion. 

Dr. Kristin Neff, the author of Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, reminds us that to be imperfect is to be human. Her perspective is that there are three elements to self-compassion: being kind to ourselves, common humanity (understanding that we are not alone in our suffering) and mindfulness (staying present and not getting swept away by our thoughts and feelings). If you’re interested in learning more, take her questionnaire to determine your level of self-compassion at www.self-compassion.org (no sign-up necessary). I also recommend her “Self-Compassion Break” exercise and meditation, which are both free on her site under “Practices.” You could also read her book or Tina Fey’s Bossypants, you know, before lights out.

Diana Tauder lives in Corte Madera with her two amazing daughters and one very energetic dog. She enjoys running, tennis, skiing and frolicking with her family. Diana is an executive coach and founder of Shorecliff Coaching. Connect with her at diana@shorecliffcoaching.com.