Dopamine Nation, by Dr. Anna Lembke, argues that the constant availability of high-dopamine experiences in modern society is leading to widespread addiction and unhappiness because any drug - including our screens - gives us a dopamine high which then biologically necessitates a dopamine crash, since the brain is programmed to maintain equilibrium. So getting out of Virtual Life and into Real Life can be a gnarly transition for the best of us. Ever had a child fly off the handle when you tell them their allotted screen time is up or dinner is ready? Thought so. 

It’s important to know that your child’s brain chemistry has been altered by the screen time, and any off-track behavior is almost certainly beyond their control at this point. They will do best with some help from you in transitioning to Real Life. Games or activities that promote the “love hormone” oxytocin, a healthy alternative to high dopamine levels, are going to work in everyone’s favor. In particular, games that promote warm physical contact and induce laughter also produce oxytocin. They don’t have to last long - even two to ten minutes can sometimes do the trick.

Enter pillow fights! And wrestling games where you have to take each other’s socks off, or try to catch your wriggly child in order to give them a hundred slobbery kisses (let them get away most of the time and definitely let them win at wrestling etc.). There are myriad other games you can invent that are healing and connecting for all. 

Don’t forget that being in nature is the perfect antidote to our wired nervous systems. In Richard Louv’s seminal book, Last Child in the Woods, he expounds on a body of research indicating that direct exposure to nature is essential for healthy childhood development and for the physical and emotional health of children and adults. Kids who spend time outside are shown to be calmer, happier, healthier, less likely to be overweight, have better vision, be better students and to be more creative. Compelling, no?

A sandbox, wading pool, swing, climbing structure or garden will provide hours of creative play if you can’t get into nature regularly. If you can, then walking (try at night), playing tag, camping and biking, as well as quiet observation of the world around us to take a break from doing anything at all will feed everyone’s soul.

When kids are transitioning from tech to, say, dinner, or you are reducing their online hours over the holidays because you want to reset everyone’s screen habits, you will need to be doing these wonderful analog games and being outside with your child. That’s why the holidays are the best time to consider what’s a healthy amount of time for your children to be on screens and to make adjustments. It can be creative and enlivening for you too! Tiffany Shlain’s book, 24/6: The Power of Unplugging One Day a Week is an inspiring read I would highly recommend. 

For your kids to enjoy IRL more than their screens, offer your company and joyful attention, try to revel in some aspect of the creative play, and accompany your child(ren) in the delights of being IRL this holiday season.