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French Onion Soup and Other Things That Can’t Be Rushed

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Kate's Take
FRENCH ONION SOUP AND OTHER THINGS THAT CAN’T BE RUSHED

By: Kate Cayanni  | September 2, 2025



French onion soup can’t be rushed. The onions need time to soften, then caramelize, then tip just past golden without burning. You can’t blast the heat or skip ahead. You stir and wait. Stir and wait.


I didn’t grow up a soup person, but I became one in my 20s, during the foggy San Francisco years—still dating Philippe, still working for La Boulange. I’d duck into one of our cafés for lunch on cold days, and their French onion soup always hit the spot. Something about it…deep, rich, humble…felt like warmth from the inside out. So I started making it at home, slowly teaching myself the steps. The right onions, the good broth, the unctuous texture that coats the spoon, and, of course, the croutons toasted just so and blanketed in bubbling gruyere.

Now, it’s my go-to cold weather soup. I serve it in little white crocks and feel a flicker of pride every time I pull them out. It’s not flashy, but I know it’s good. There’s confidence in the care it takes—like the flavor itself is a reward for doing something the long way.


My kids? They’re open to it. They’ll eat the cheesy toast, and maybe a few spoonfuls, but I can tell it’s not their comfort food. Fair enough. I was a mac and cheese girl myself.


Still, I love the act of making it. There are other things in our house like that too—quiet, repeated actions that don’t look like much at first. Not traditions, exactly --more like seeds, planted without fanfare, watered by routine, and left to do their thing while life keeps moving.


Reading is one of those. We’ve done bedtime stories since the kids were born. Sam’s just beginning to read on his own.  He sounds out signs on the street, puzzling through fact books about coyotes and classic cars. Zoey can devour a chapter book before I’ve even had a chance to peek at the cover. Watching them both build their relationship with books is slow and satisfying, like watching roots take hold.


And for me, the shift has been in remembering to read. In the chaos of parenting and work and groceries and emails, I’d somehow forgotten how good it feels to finish a story. Lately I’ve been reclaiming that. I listen to audiobooks in the car (I’m deep in my mom-taxi era), and this summer, I left my laptop at home and brought two paper books on vacation. I finished them both. It felt indulgent, human and necessary, like something inside me exhaled.


This fall, both kids are playing rec soccer, which adds a whole new layer to our weekend calendar and also, bless it, a whole new lesson in patience. There’s the gear gathering, the snack assignment negotiation, and the sideline etiquette coaching for the grown-ups. But also, there’s that sweet and frustrating middle space they’re both in: wanting to be good, and not yet knowing how to get there.


It’s such a pure version of a feeling we never outgrow. The long stretch between aspiration and ability. They’re learning that you don’t magically wake up knowing how to pass the ball. That you miss more goals than you make. That the gap closes slowly, with practice, and that being in the gap is part of the deal.

And then there are the seeds I hope I’m planting—the kind you can’t measure in reading levels or footwork. The ones that sound like:

  • Take a break if you need to.
  • You are worthy of care.
  • You can trust yourself.
  • You don’t have to earn rest.

These are lessons I think I missed, or maybe just forgot along the way. So now I say them out loud, again and again, like watering something invisible. And sometimes I wonder if they’re landing at all.

And then—suddenly—they do.

This summer, I snapped a picture of Zoey on vacation. She was grinning wide, lollipop in hand, standing in front of an old-school candy shop. Later, she pasted it into her little photo journal. When I saw the caption, I had to pause.

“I love myself. Picture by mama. I love mama.”

And there it was: harvest.


This season, the growth I’m noticing isn’t loud or dramatic. It’s not milestone-y or Instagram-worthy. It’s soft and slow and easy to miss if you’re moving too fast. It’s soup you have to stir, a book finished under the covers,  a kid declaring love for herself—and for you—in the tiniest font.


So if you’re in a season that feels ordinary, or heavy, or just a little too much, I offer you this: you don’t need to hustle your way to meaning. You just need to keep showing up. Stirring, reading, cheering, noticing. Letting things take root.


Some things, after all, can’t be rushed.


French Onion Soup

  • ½ cup unsalted butter
  • 4 large onions, sliced
  • 2 garlic cloves, minced
  • 2 bay leaves
  • 2 fresh thyme sprigs
  • Kosher salt and freshly cracked black pepper
  • 1 cup Sherry
  • 3 heaping tablespoons all purpose flour
  • 2 quarts beef broth
  • Homemade croutons*
  • ½ pound grated gruyere


Melt the stick of butter in a large pot over medium heat. Add the onions, garlic, bay leaves, thyme, salt and pepper and cook until the onions are very soft and caramelized, about 25 minutes.  Add the Sherry, bring to a boil, reduce the heat and simmer until most of the sherry has evaporated and the onions are nearly dry, about 5 minutes.  Discard the bay leaves and thyme stems.  Dust the onions with the flour and give them a stir.  Turn the heat down to medium low so the flour doesn’t burn, and cook for 10 minutes to cook out the raw flour taste.  Now add the beef stock, bring the soup back to a simmer, and cook for 10 minutes.  Season to taste with salt and pepper.

When you’re ready to eat, preheat the broiler.  Ladle the soup into bowls, top each with croutons and grated cheese.  Put the bowls into the oven to melt the cheese.

*For croutons: Cut day old french bread into cubes.  Drizzle olive oil and dried herbs of your choice onto bread.  Bake for 10-15 minutes in a 350 degree oven.




Kate lives in San Rafael with her husband and kiddos, Zoey and Sam.  She enjoys handwritten letters, home baking projects and writing.  Through her business, Good Smart Funny, she offers life and leadership coaching to entrepreneurs, mothers and people leaders who are interested in leading an intentional life.
More from this issue:


DEI Spotlight: Building Community Through Affinity Groups Read >> 
Celebrations of Life:
 “We Remember” Read >>
Style Savvy: Evolving Your Personal Style Without Reinventing the Wheel Read >>
Kate’s Take: French Onion Soup and Other Things That Can’t Be Rushed Read >>  
Marin Lens: From Moments to Milestones Read >> 
Nurtured Mommy: Keep Dreaming Read >>
Design Diaries: Room to Grow — How to Design with the Future in Mind Read >>
SMMC Philanthropy: Stronger Together — Supporting Marin Families and Youth Read >> 
Marin Montessori: The Power of an Early Start Read >>