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Misplaced Guilt

The Nurtured Mommy
MISPLACED GUILT

By: Denise E. Bailey | September 19, 2024

You forgot to pack an extra pair of clothes and your 6 month old was left in her diaper for too long. You missed the preschool Halloween Parade because of a Team Meeting. You didn’t switch out the laundry and now have to re-wash the stinky towels. Your oldest is struggling with enoughness, she is mirroring you. Your house is too hot to host in the summer or too small to host in the winter. You find yourself constantly triggered by a colleague or “mom-friend”. You were more confident before becoming a mama. You lost it when the kids wouldn’t get in the car. Your mom thinks your kids' shoes are too dirty. You don’t cook every night. You need to drink more water. You feel like working is taking away from your family. You wish that you could go back to work because staying home is lonely and hard. You think you don’t have enough money. You watched too much Bravo. You’ve gained weight. You long for some quiet/space to just be responsible for yourself.

I am sure these statements made your blood pressure rise and your heart beat faster. Some may have made you want to cry. Others seem far from your truth. Here is the thing, we all are struggling with perfectionism, enoughness, and misplaced guilt. Most of us were raised by Baby Boomers that lived for the perfect American Dream. But, what if you reclaimed yourself? What if you chose to enrich yourself by defining your values. And most importantly, what if you choose to forgive yourself for all the ways you feel you are failing. Yep…I said it, failing. We must look at who’s values we are living. Only when we let it out can we move forward.

Whether you stay at home, work from home, or work in the office…it’s a lot. We cannot unconditionally love others (our children, partners, friends, strangers, etc…) if we do not unconditionally love ourselves. Hard but true. There is no faking it. So make a personal commitment to start diving deeper into what matters most to you. Let go of the values that you’ve adopted. Make up your own mind. Trust your gut/instincts. Set kind energetic boundaries. Apologize when you make a mistake. Own the growth that you need to work on.

Release so you can embrace. Listen to yourself so you can heal. Your homelife, professional life, finances, and more will evolve when you learn it’s okay to make yourself a priority. Join me on this journey, let’s raise this next generation differently. Let’s live in alignment with ourselves and others.

Questions for Reflection:

What are you feeling guilty about that you truly need to let go of (birth trama, daycare, etc…)?
How can you show yourself some love (quieting inner critic, journaling, etc…)?
Who can support you on this motherhood/adulthood journey?

Denise is a coffee lover, over-sharer, and truth seeker who is dedicated to vulnerably discussing the not-so-pretty parts of this beautiful role of motherhood. She is inspired by her three daughters to help women manage their expectations, let go of perfectionism, and lean into their enoughness. Denise is a certified Early Childhood Educator (ECE) and K-8 Multiple Subject Clear Credentialed Teacher who has taught it all from preschool to middle school. Read more from Denise under The Crier: Online Archive.