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Back to School: Meltdowns, Transitions, and Quick Tips for finding Balance

Where the Heart Resides
BACK TO SCHOOL: MELTDOWNS, TRANSITIONS, AND QUICK TIPS FOR FINDING BALANCE

By: Amanda Hyslop | August 1, 2024

The much-anticipated back-to-school season is upon us. New shoes have been bought, lunch boxes and backpacks dusted off, and social media will soon be flooded with radiant smiles of kids ready to embrace a new academic year. However, beneath this cheerful facade lie the undercurrents of unease and transition blues that many families face but seldom discuss.

Let me share a snippet from my household. I have two kids, each unique in their approach to life and school. My son, a bright student, recently entered middle school. But the first evening after his first day of school, over a popsicle, his eyes welled up with tears. He reminisced about his elementary days, voicing his reluctance to grow up. This wasn’t new. In kindergarten, he was crestfallen at having to leave his toys at home. Always the playful and nostalgic one, transitions tend to tug at his heartstrings.

In stark contrast, my daughter is a perennial enthusiast. Ever ready to embrace the world, she yearned for adventures like taking the bus alone on her first day of kindergarten. Fast forward a few years, and she opted to attend a robust private school, hungry for new experiences and friendships. Yet, with demanding coursework and her passion for athletics, the juggle is real. She went to bed the other night wondering if she made the right decision because she feels she doesn't have enough time to catch up with friends.

With new schools come new environments, expectations, and anxieties. While we celebrate the first day with gleaming photos, we rarely open up about the ensuing chaos at home – the squabbles over the bathroom, the meltdowns, the personal feelings we have with new experiences. A dear friend, my go-to for raw parenting truths, shares how her house always feels like it is in disarray when back to school season hits. There are more outbursts, sibling showdowns, and parent-child clashes. And like me, she is convinced: it's about change.

So, how do we navigate these challenges? How do we ensure our children, and we, as parents, find a semblance of balance amid these transitions? Here are some insights I've gathered from parenting books, friends, numerous podcasts, and yes-TED Talks:

Address Transitions Head-On: Change, especially for children, can be overwhelming. Sit down with your kids and talk about it. Let them know that it's okay to feel anxious, excited, or even nostalgic. Every emotion is valid. Acknowledging these feelings can be the first step in helping them cope.
Carve Out 'Pause' Moments: Amidst the flurry of assignments, extracurriculars, and new friendships, it's crucial to find time to breathe. Encourage your children to take short breaks, be it a walk in the park, a quick doodling session, or simply looking up at the night sky. It's in these moments of pause that they can reflect, reset, and rejuvenate.
Establish a Routine, but Allow Flexibility: Kids find comfort in routines. However, with new academic years come new timetables and commitments. Draft a routine together, but ensure there's wiggle room. Some days might need an impromptu ice-cream outing, while others might be perfect for an early bedtime story.
Open Channels of Communication: Ensure that your kids know they can talk to you about anything – from a difficult math problem to a disagreement with a friend. Your willingness to listen can make all the difference.
Reconnect and Repair: When arguments become heated, it's okay to take a step back and cool down. Once emotions have settled, approach the situation again with a fresh perspective. Offer a 'do-over' or a chance to restart the conversation. Emphasize the importance of repairing any emotional rifts, ensuring that bonds remain strong even after disagreements.
Celebrate Small Wins: In the quest for settling in, don’t forget to celebrate the little achievements. Maybe your son spoke up in class, or your daughter managed to finish her assignment on time despite her athletic commitments, or your shy child made a new friend during lunch break. A little praise can go a long way.

Bottom line, transitions are tough. As parents, we often forget that while we have experienced numerous 'firsts' and 'changes' in our lives, for our children, each transition might be a profound shift. Empathy, understanding, and a sprinkle of patience can make this journey smoother. So the next time you see a perfect back-to-school picture, remember, there's always a story behind it. Here's to embracing change and growing together!

Amanda Hyslop is rocking the mom life with two whip-smart kiddos, Sienna & William, and her hubby, Bill, who has a knack for dad jokes. By day, she's a go-to Advice Nurse at Tamalpais Pediatrics; by night, you'll find her playing the keys or hitting the pavement for a run. Amanda's all ears for your thoughts amandahyslop@gmail.com and will get back to you – just as soon as she locates that pesky missing sock!