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Summertime Shuffle

The Nurtured Mommy
SUMMERTIME SHUFFLE

By: Denise E. Bailey | July 18, 2024

Shoutout to all the mamas who spent their summers in the 80s and 90s swimming while begging for popsicles (and sleepovers) with no idea that camps even existed. We woke up and watched The Price Is Right then raided the coin jar in the laundry room and rode our bikes to 7-Eleven for a slurpee. Our mothers either left us alone at home (CPS would be called now) or with older siblings.

My mom went back to work when I was 11 years old (my brothers were 18 and 15) and yes, I consider myself lucky to be raised by a SAHM. She ran an association where my dad was the Executive Director. She cherished her role and wore it as a badge of honor both at home and in the office. I could feel her joy being with us and she made our summers the absolute best. My dad provided her with the flexibility to balance it all as best as she could. He knew her first priority was her family. He was the primary provider and she was the primary caregiver. No role confusion whatsoever. Truthfully, she created the life she longed for as a young child who was raised in Larkspur/Corte Madera by a single mom who had to work fulltime.

Okay, so let’s break down what summers look like now for our generation. Whether you’re a child of a Baby Boomer or Gen Xers…raising your Gen Alpha baby is different. They fought for equal rights, thank god. They worked to break the glass ceiling (with plenty more work to do here). As a result of their efforts, we’ve had our babies later in life long after our careers were established. All wonderful until BOOM, it’s summertime and you’re the primary caregiver.

For those of us with children in elementary school (K-8), we feel the pain of solving for summer childcare while being expected to work like our kids are in school. Daycares and preschools are set up for year long programs; however, we haven’t solved the challenge of summers yet for households with two working parents. Those of us lucky enough to have remote and/or hybrid jobs can try to make it all work, but there is an entire population out there of parents who don’t have the disposable income to pay for camps, nannies, or au pairs (yes, Marin is unique).

Can we talk about camps? Essential, yes. Expensive, oh my goodness are they expensive. And then there is this whole camp flex where camps get ranked and our choices are judged (back to why mompetition is damaging so stop trying to rank yourself in this role). Rec center camps are led by high school and college students. They’re more affordable, but can be a bit chaotic. Depending on your child, they might love or loathe them. Then there are all of these other fancy options, like so many of them that private equity is getting involved. You have to plan for summer in January and February if you want a spot. It is expensive, tiring, and quite honestly…stressful. My girls would be delighted to stay home with me, but that’s not an option.

All of these facts (or my opinions) above coupled with working for my husband’s company has caused me to burn out. Like the wick is at the bottom with wax around it but no ability to light anymore. This has caused me to really question what I want in the next decade or so. I promise you, it isn’t what I’m currently living.

I am lucky enough to be able to consider what’s next because my husband is our primary financial provider. And while I thought our journey working together would be like my parents’, it just isn’t the same. I realize this is not only a luxury but also a privilege. Which makes me want to choose wisely with respect and gratitude for the situation I am in. So, how do I make a decision about what’s next for me professionally, while also considering the summertime shuffle for the next 10-12 years? I always thought I’d be an educator where they attend school, but didn’t realize their school doesn’t allow parents to apply. Yes, I have thought about un-enrolling them and then enrolling them again, but that assumes that they’d hire me.

So here I am, trying my best to take days off this summer while I transition out of my role. I am asking the universe to show me options (while taking inspired actions) where my passion and purpose professionally allow me to prioritize my children. Is that even possible? I am counting my blessings and also honoring my overwhelm. It’s all a lot but the summertime shuffle, for me, has to change. I am reviewing my values and reprioritizing my roles in life and I invite you to do the same.

Questions to Dive Deeper:
What experience from your childhood summers do you want to share with your child and why?
What is an ideal summer break for you as a mother, wife, and human?
If you are feeling burnt out, what can you courageously change and how?

Denise is a coffee lover, over-sharer, and truth seeker who is dedicated to vulnerably discussing the not-so-pretty parts of this beautiful role of motherhood. She is inspired by her three daughters to help women manage their expectations, let go of perfectionism, and lean into their enoughness. Denise is a certified Early Childhood Educator (ECE) and K-8 Multiple Subject Clear Credentialed Teacher who has taught it all from preschool to middle school. Read more from Denise under The Crier: Online Archive.